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Maybe I want to be young

I just couldn't do it. I've spent my entire life in the same city, find myself anxious if I've been gone too long. But she, she packed up and left her hometown, moved to this here giant city of opportunity and danger, no job waiting for her, no safety net. She closed her eyes and jumped.

And, sure, there's always a bit of foolishness in leaving what you know, in trying something new that might not turn out. And there are always "better" ways to do it.
But the beauty of being young has always been the ability to take a chance. To hop that fence without calculating all the ways you could get hurt. Dashing across the street. Leaping without having figured all the angles.

When I'm about to do something new/risky, I plan. I plan to remove anxiety, to exert control. And life gets a degree less exciting than it was when I didn't Have to do plan, when I allowed the unexpected to have its way.

Though, that's where I still am with my photography. Picking a model, a location, and allowing the winds of the world to take us where they may. Keep it loose, I always say to myself. The shots that I try to rigidly construct, it's me working against my instinct. I want to just have things happen. I want to capture something I didn't plan.


Maybe, maybe I want to be young in the ways that, for her, come naturally.

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